Monday, August 11, 2014

Review: Love, Lex by Avery Aster
Series Order Number: The Undergrad Years #1
Release Date: April 10, 2014
Publisher: Avery Aster
Genre: New Adult: Contemporary Romance
Source: Copy provided for honest review
Rating: ★★

This summer, I’d planned to celebrate my eighteenth birthday in Europe with my fellow Manhattanites—Taddy Brill, Blake Morgan, and Vive Farnworth—until I caught my boyfriend screwing my mother. According to the police report, this vomit-inducing incident happened around the same time I’d supposedly blown-up my mother’s penthouse. Like I’m walking around Soho with a stick of dynamite in my Louis Vuitton purse—not! Now, my besties and I are in jail.

Officer Ford Gotti, the Harley-wheelin’ biker cop who arrested us, keeps sticking his perfectly-sculpted nose into my case. His inked body is jacked like a superhero, and he says I can trust him. He wants me to fess up. I won’t. Not again. Why should I? My friends and I had a previous stint in juvie that nearly destroyed us. I gotta protect them and keep my mouth shut. Right? —Lex Easton, women’s studies major, motorcycle enthusiast, and virgin. 

The Undergrad Years is a New Adult contemporary miniseries about first loves, independence, and everlasting friendships. Contains mature content intended for readers 17 and up.

Love, Lex starts off with somewhat vapid Alexandra returning home to find her boyfriend screwing her mother in every possible hole, the day before her eighteenth birthday. She calmly walks away from the obscene scene, packs her shit and sets fire to some mementos in the bathtub before leaving on her Vespa , following closely behind a limo full of her best friends and her LV luggage.

What she fails to see as she drives off, is her mother’s condo exploding… and the helicopter that caught it all on film, including her supposed getaway. All of which lands her in jail and at the hands of some hulking hot cop.

Overall, it sounds like it could be a fun plot. In some ways it was. Some small ways.

Mostly, it was just a bit on the ridiculous side for my liking though.

I’m old, but I’m not too old to remember what I was like as a virgin. My mind NEVER would have had such hot, graphic fantasies. I was no prude, I wasn’t innocent but there was still no way my mind would have gone “there”. Lexi, with absolutely no experience other than the little oral action she gave to her skeezy ex, dreams in full out porn mode. Maybe she reads a lot of erotica?

Pushing that issue aside and moving on to the next.

Again, I’m not too old to remember what being a virgin was like. I have some not-so-fond memories of my de-flowering. Lex gets off easy! You can take that statement in a couple of different ways, all of which are fitting. There is no pain. Say what?!?! Shit, the dude doesn’t even have a clue that her “Lady V” was just snatched up by his anaconda size schlong. In what world are these people living in? Oh right, a fictional one.

Moving on once again…

The sex, which is mostly in the aforementioned fantasies, would have been pretty hot had the players not talked. I’m not quite sure how you speak with your mouth full of a meat popsicle, but Lexi manages to do it and say some silly things. As does The Man with the Large Doinker. Had they just kept their mouths full of body parts and skipped the words, I would have liked it much better.

What kept me reading was my desire to see Lexi get something right in life. She’s been shit on by her addict of a mother, abandoned by her rock star dad, betrayed by her fatty hating boy toy…life hasn’t been easy on the girl. I have a small heart, I felt for her. I wanted to see some good to come to her.

It came in the form of a massive, inked up, hot cop. Yet, it was rushed and just too unsatisfying for me. I wanted more time with her and Ford. I didn’t get it and it doesn’t appear I will in the full length series either.

I tried. I really did, but this just was not the book for me.

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